


five things about the void

by labyrinth_lockpick



Series: Post-Game AU [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Body Horror, Dream Sequences, I Hurt Benrey Again Because I'm Fucked Up And Evil, M/M, Memory Loss, Post Game AU, Temporary Character Death, he's helmet fuckign gone..., it's mentioned like once but i'm still putting this up, it's three am so if i'm missing tags please tell me!, no beta we die like men and i'm still scared of being beheld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26405212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labyrinth_lockpick/pseuds/labyrinth_lockpick
Summary: The Void is inescapable. That's the first thing Benrey learns.
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: Post-Game AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919146
Comments: 16
Kudos: 166





	five things about the void

The Void is inescapable. That's the first thing Benrey learns.

He'd expected as much as anyone else would.  _ "There's nothing out there," _ didn't Dr. Coomer say? No means of escape. Nothing except the door looming ominously over the spot where he first woke up. 

He'd tried every trick in the book to get it to open. Knocking, kicking, scratching, and even oozing through the space between the frame and the door. It stayed closed, went nowhere.

Why would there be a door, in  _ the Void _ , of all places, that could never be opened? It frustrated him to no end, like it was  _ mocking _ him. He wouldn't be surprised if it was.

The second thing Benrey came to understand is that the Void is  _ incredibly _ boring.  


Benrey had found himself running out of things to busy himself with. His nails  were chewed as short as they would allow. His left sleeve was marred with so many bite marks that it resembled a butterfly net. He'd lost his helmet after leaving it as a landmark, so as not to lose his place when he left to explore. (When he'd returned, the door was still there. The helmet was not.)  


He'd morphed and melted and cracked and ripped his body in every way he could. He grew and tore apart countless eyes, summoned and shattered countless teeth, all out of sheer,  _ overwhelming _ boredom.  


(Still, the damages to his default form could not be fixed. He missed his helmet.)

Third, he realized he was dying. For good, this time.

Tommy had said something once, before the Resonance Cascade. One day, over sodas and sandwiches, he told Benrey that people die twice. They first die when their body stops working and their blood stops moving in their veins, and whoever may be left that loves them makes sure they end up in a funny box in the ground. The second time someone dies is when their name is said for the last time.

He couldn't help but think of that again, as he wasted away in the empty space that laid beyond the world. There was no way he would ever leave their minds. Not after what he did to them, what  _ the Script _ made him do to them.  


Still, no matter what memories he may have left behind, the Nothingness still began to eat away at who he was, little by little. He found himself forgetting what existed beyond the Void. It started with Tommy's favorite soda, the emptiness slowly creeping through his mind and memories.

What was his favorite color? His favorite video game? He could barely even remember what Xen looked like. How long would it be until he began to forget his own  _name_?

Not very, he would come to realize.

The fourth thing he'd discovered was that dreaming  _sucked_. Whether or not that was a Void thing, he couldn't tell.  


Did he dream much, before all of this? He had a feeling sleeping this much wasn't normal. Every time he began to question, to feel that  _something wasn't quite right_ , that strange emptiness would flood his head.

There wasn't much to do. He couldn't even think straight. So he fell asleep again.

_There's so many colors. _

_Looking around, he can see so many things. There are walls. And particleboard tables. And papers and panels and buttons.  
_

_And there's someone there, too. He can't see their face. Either way, if he could, he probably wouldn't be able to recognize them.  
_

_Their long, brown hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail, flowing a little down their lab coat.  
_

_As they turn to face him, his body locks up. Everything in the room is starting to disappear, table, by table, by table. But he can only think, _ why is he so familiar? why is he so familiar? _  
_

_The room falls away and the figure is stalking towards him. There's nothing there, there's nothing but him and the stranger he _ somehow knows. _  
_

_There's something pressed under his chin, sharply pushing his head upwards. As his hands move to grab at whatever it is, he grasps the figure's hands... and the handle of a gun.  
_

_The person is saying something now, but it sounds like they're underwater. Is he going to die? Is this how it feels when you die?  
_

_ He screws his eyes shut, anticipating that final shot. _

" ... _Benrey!_ "  


What? Who? His head is swimming, and there's pressure around his shoulders.

He tries to talk, to say  _ anything _ , but there's _light_ drowning out his vision. Real, genuine light. It would feel amazing if it didn't hurt his eyes so much.  


"...You're up? Oh, thank God." He's pulled upwards, leaning against whoever is talking. An arm is hooked around his ribs to keep him from falling over. "I don't know how long Tommy-"  


He mutters something, his eyes shutting again to block out the pain.  


"...What was that?"  


"don't know... benrey...?"  


The grip that surrounds him goes slack for a moment, before winding tighter, pulling him closer. "That's... okay. We can figure out what happened here later. Let's just go back."

"...go. back...?" He can feel himself get pulled along, towards the light. His head turns to bury itself into the person's shoulder.  


"Yeah, man, Tommy's worried sick about you- Okay, you're going to need to hold on tight. This part made me feel a bit sick at first."  


He cracks an eye open. They're standing at the door, but something's different. The light is coming from within, and as his eyes adjust, he finally realizes it's open. There's a way out, there's people on the other side.

He may not know who is holding him. Or how he got there, or what's outside that door. But as he steps into that wild and incredible light, he comes to know one fifth and  _ final _ thing about the Void.

He's finally out. And he's  _ never _ going back again.

**Author's Note:**

> me? impulsively starting a series despite my very limited experience with writing fanfiction? yell heah


End file.
